He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize