It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize