Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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