I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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