It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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