dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love having hate sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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