How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize