Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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