soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need mimosas to revive my soul
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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