he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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