Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just lost a toe
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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