My room smells like vodka and shame
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize