I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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