That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
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Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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