I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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