I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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