Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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