i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize