Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize