so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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