Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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