someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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