You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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