im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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