oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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