SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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