Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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