you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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