I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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