so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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