If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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