I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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