11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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