Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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