Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize