First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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