you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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