so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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