New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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