You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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