Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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