I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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