dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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