Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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