You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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