Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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