the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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