He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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