M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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