"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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